you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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