I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
