That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
