You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
