Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
