Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
