Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
