I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
