I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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