Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
