everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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