I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
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