just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
