woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
