also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
