were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
