the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
