I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
