i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
