As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
