I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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