I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize