Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
