i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
