You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
