you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
