Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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