I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
