yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
