Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
