i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
