6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
