I wish I could punch you in the face.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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