There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
