I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
