Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
