I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
