Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
