I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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