dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
