Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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