Your tits are I can't wait for
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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