too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
