Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
