last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
