Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I smell stomach acid.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
