Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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