i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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