When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
