Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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